Name Game

"So what do you take for your ADHD?"

She stared at me, waiting for me to answer. I didn't have an answer for her. This was the first time I was hearing that I had ADHD and quite honestly, I was too terrified to speak.

"I know you thought you only had OCD, but after talking to you for 15 minutes I can tell that you have ADHD. You can't sit still, you speak so fast, and I can tell that your brain is going 100 mph. Are you telling me that you never thought there was a problem there?"

Well to be honest I just thought I was crazy. I thought I had OCD, and I was a crazy person... end of story.

"You poor girl. You have OCD, you're a perfectionist, and you have ADHD. Your brain must be a war zone!" And it is.

That's the thing about psychiatrists- they're always giving you names. I always knew I was a little too hyper active and easily distracted, but I never considered trying to classify that behavior. As soon as you give it a name, it's real. It's no longer a personality quirk, it is it's own identity. I'm not sure how much of my behavior I want officially defined. Everyone points at me and says "OCD", "ADHD", etc, but aren't I still Meena? Why can't I be Meena, with a side of obsessive behavior, and a dash of hyperactivity. Do I really need to be OCD ADHD Meena?

"Well here's the good news, Meena. I know you said you'll never go to grad school because you can't pay attention in classes and while reading the class material, but after I give you some medication I really think you'll start getting 4.0s. I don't understand how you've functioned without any ADHD medication. You're really something else."

Some people believe that having a mental disorder is a handicap, but a lot of people think it's just stupidity. I'm here to tell everyone out there who feels like they have some sort of mental disorder: don't let ANYONE, EVER make you think that you are stupid. I've gone my entire life believing I was stupid, but really I just had two different disorders competing for a spot inside my mind.

What people who don't have mental disorders don't understand is that once you find a way to function in the world with that mental handicap, you no longer have anything else to be afraid of. You can stare fear right in the face and say, "I've already battled the most terrifying adversary: my mind... and I won".